Life Is Busy

In today’s culture, we live & die by the calendar.   Life is busy.  We fill up our days, we sign up for all the things, to the point where we have to plan 3 weeks in advance just to grab lunch with a friend.

For families, the stress and pressure of having our kids participate in all the activities can be overwhelming.  If your kid isn’t playing t-ball or signed up for dance by 3-years-old, you feel like you are depriving your child of some life changing activity that they are missing out on.  Your child is sure to be behind and will not make the all-star team if you don’t start early.  And it only gets worse as they get older with more after-school clubs, games, practices, birthday parties, camps, etc.

But seriously, how often does your family have a Saturday at home?

We all make choices.  And so many of these things that fill our calendars are worthwhile events.  It’s good to be active and involved.  It’s good to have relationships and build our skills.  It’s good not to just sit on the couch at home.

As parents, we get to make these decisions for a while for our young children.  At some point, they become more independent and we talk about and make decisions together until these choices become theirs to make on their own (scary thought, I know!).  But setting boundaries, helping prioritize what is a good investment of our time, that is our job as a parent to ensure that someday they are, in fact, ready to make these decisions without us.  We are to guide and direct, sometimes say “no,” other times encourage them to try something new and get outside of their bubble. Different children need different things, and we get to help navigate that with them.

So, where is the balance?  How do we evaluate and determine what is a priority for our family?  Unfortunately, I can’t answer that for you.  Not specifically.  Because each family has different priorities, needs & wants that help make the right decision for what is worthwhile for their family.  But maybe I can help you ask some probing questions as to what does make it on your family calendar.

Things to think about…

• Is this activity/event something our family values?
• Does participating in this activity bring a member(s) of our family joy?
• Do we have time to add this activity to our schedule?
• Is this something we should/could say “no” to?
• Would this be a new and/or challenging experience for anyone in our family?
• Are we already doing too much?
• Is anything on our calendar optional?
• Is there anything we could eliminate or say “no” to right now?
• If we are going to add something new, does something else need to be removed to create space for our new activity?

There can be a lot of good reasons to do something.  There are many good reasons to be involved in an activity, sport, event or program.  We just have to stop and ask ourselves if ALL of the things on our “to do” list are important, worthwhile things that deserve being on our calendar.

Family Contract

So how do we scale back?  How do we say “no” if we are overscheduled?  I think sometimes it’s starting with the small things, maybe saying no to a birthday party, maybe limiting each child to 1 extracurricular activity each season.  Our children are looking to us to help create balance in their life.  Maybe consider a family meeting to look together at the family calendar.  Is there one night a week that you are all home in time for dinner?  Can you make that a priority?  Find ways to be intentional with the time that you do have.  Think about creating a family contract or covenant.  On this contract agree together what the values are of your family.  A few examples might be:

• Our family values spending time together.
• Our family values being athletically active.
• Our family values going to church.
• Our family values traveling together.

Agreeing on these values together can help when trying to decide if you could or should add an activity to the calendar.

The bigger the family, the harder coordinating calendars can be.  Sometimes we have to make sacrifices for each other.  Mom can’t be in 2 places at once, or one activity may just be too expensive, and sometimes there simply just aren’t enough hours in the day.  But finding that balance and doing it together as a family to keep our priorities in line is a worthwhile venture to not only create a happy family environment, but to hopefully produce children who are well balanced and have learned how to decide what things are important and good to invest in, and what things may need to be a “no” or at least a “not right now.”