Dear Parent:

One of the core values of First Baptist Arlington is that God designed the family as the primary place for discipleship. The Faith Journey initiative exists to partner with you as you guide your child’s spiritual journey one step at a time. Age appropriate kits have been created to help you leverage the best faith formation strategy for your child’s stage of development. In this Rite of Passage kit you will find practical ideas and suggested resources to help you give your teen a vision for adulthood.

Getting Started

To help you start, a Rite of Passage Planning Guide has been provided. Begin prayerfully considering how you will invite your teenager to begin embracing the responsibilities of adulthood.

We hope you find this kit helpful in the process of forming the faith of your child at home. Feel free to visit fbca.org/faithjourney to learn more or to determine if your child/children are ready for other Faith Journey markers.

Blessings,

The Young Families Ministry Team

Rite of Passage Planning Guide

Even the most simple rite of passage experience can have a powerful impact in your teen’s life. Ask yourself the following questions to plan the best approach for your son or daughter.

ASSESS

Is our relationship strong enough for the experience to feel authentic vs. forced?
Does my child have other adults in his/her life who have had enough influence to participate in such an experience?
Does my teen show signs he/she is willing to move toward adult responsibilities and attitudes?

If you answer “no” to any of these questions, it might be better to plan a special dinner alone together to begin meaningful dialog rather than attempt the full rite of passage experience.

WHEN

What day is best to make this event special? On a birthday? In conjunction with a holiday? As a special day of its own?
What date would work best for those who might need to travel to participate?

WHO

What relatives should participate? (Grandparent? Respected aunt or uncle? Older brother or sister?)
Is the child close to a pastor, youth minister, teacher or coach he/she respects?
If you are not planning the event as a surprise, invite your teen to suggest who he/she would like to be included.

HOW

Would my teen prefer a formal event or casual experience?
What would be a good setting for the event? Your home? Grandparent’s home? A favorite restaurant? The church? A park?
What kind of fun activity would your teen enjoy doing before the formal portion of the event? (For example, a teen boy might enjoy going to a shooting range or golfing while a girl might prefer shopping or tennis.)

For additional ideas on planning we recommend the book Spiritual Milestones by Jim & Janet Weidmann & J. Otis and Gail Ledbetter. (Available from heritagebuilders.com)

Rite of Passage Blessing

Example #1

As our daughters began to move into adulthood, we determined to be intentional about blessing them at this time. Being a teenager is a very challenging season of life. Everything seems awkward and weird. That, in and of itself, seemed to be a natural time to be as positive as possible. If anyone needs to be blessed it would be a teenager!

We chose a Scripture verse that spoke into the person we knew our daughters were designed to be. That verse gave focus for the party, invitations and the way we asked significant people to speak into their lives. We choose a party time, invited families that were dear to our lives and respected by our child, and gave specific instructions about what kind of event this would be.

The verse we chose spoke about characteristics that we saw in them that needed to be carried into the future. In the invitation, each family was asked to write out a letter of encouragement about one of those characteristics. They were also asked to bring a “gift” that somehow represented that quality. It could be a “passed down” kind of item, a tool to be used or a symbolic purchase.

At the party, we spent a lot of time sharing blessings of encouragement. Some friends read their letter out loud and others just gave the gift as they explained the meaning behind it. These letters were placed in a notebook once they were read. We then shared in a time of blessing through prayer lead by their father.

This time of blessing has always been a sweet spot for our family. Our girls have fond memories of how very special people in their lives encouraged them and gave meaning to their life.

Blessing Example #2

Our children started something with their children that is so meaningful. For each child…on a significant birthday, starting college, and before they get married…they plan a meaningful time of blessing. So far, they have had 3 of their 4 who have had those significant birthdays, and one who is now a college freshman. For each of these occasions, they have included other family members of the child’s same gender who have been a part of a weekend of blessing to commemorate the passing of these life markers.

They ask the adult men or women (aunts, uncles, grandparents) to first of all write a letter of blessing for the son or daughter to be presented at this occasion. They brought each of the kids to the Metroplex for the weekend, and had made plans for our entire family to be a part of an activity that is very meaningful to that particular child…ropes course, golf, shopping, pedicure/manicure, some type of sports event, etc. Those included are then a part of a Friday night dinner at a place that this child really likes.

Saturday is also something that the child wants to do, and Saturday night is the special night of blessing. With those included, at a private place, we were asked to present a letter outlining our special blessing (Scripture included in this) that we either read aloud, or talk through, as well as, a symbolic gift to that child…a tool for a guy symbolizing what needs to be added to their “tool kit” to better equip them as they continue to grow to be more like Christ…hammer, screw driver, level, saw, etc. And for the girls…some sort of jewelry that would symbolize something both spiritual and a promise. All of this is done within the space of about 30 minutes to an hour on Saturday night as we each have opportunity to speak into this child’s life….blessing, challenge, promise, and significant scripture to mark this occasion. Each of the adults promise to continue to pray for that child as they navigate their upcoming stage of life. We close this by laying hands on the child and praying on their behalf.

What is a Rite of Passage?

A Rite of Passage is a special event signifying a transition from one stage to another. This is an ideal time to affirm and help your child anticipate and prepare for God’s plan for their future. Challenge your teen to leave behind the world of childhood and invite them into the ranks of emerging adulthood.

How to do a Rite of Passage

It is less important how you plan your child’s Rite of Passage than that you plan it. Some families host a simple dinner with family and close friends. Others do something more elaborate such as a road-trip adventure with various stops. Decide and plan what works best for your teen and your situation.

Step One: Create a plan to make this a meaningful experience. Read one of the recommended resources for more ideas or utilize the Rite of Passage Planning Guide provided with this kit. A small investment of thought and effort will mean a great deal to your son or daughter.

Step Two: Choose a passage of Scripture that speaks into who God has uniquely created your child to be.

Step Three: Invite people who have had an impact in your teen’s life and/or whom they respect. Share the passage you have chosen for your child and ask each person to write a blessing/letter, and maybe another passage, on which he or she will share. Some topics may include work, marriage, integrity, faith, purity, family, etc.

Step Four: Make it easy for others to participate by providing them with recommended wording for their talk or letter to help them in the case they are nervous or attending ill-prepared.

Give a Blessing

It is very important that parents use this journey marker to give a blessing, usually in the form of a letter affirming the teen’s potential and expressing gratitude for his or her life. Read the Blessing Examples provided with this kit for more ideas.

Give a Vision for the Future

Take time to provide direction for the future. Cast vision and direct your child in seeking the Lord as they enter a season of significant decisions that will impact the future.

Give a Gift

Consider purchasing or making something to give your teen during this time. It doesn’t need to be extravagant. It is more important that it serve as a tangible keepsake of the event that your child can hold on to for years to come. Ideas include a book of letters/blessings, a compass or tools for guys or a piece of jewelry for girls.

Set the Stage

The Rite of Passage event serves as an opportunity to set a new tone for the changing relationship with your child and for their future. Your role is changing from primarily teacher to mostly coach as he or she accepts the new freedoms and responsibilities that accompany young adulthood. Let your child know that you will be there to help him or her work through the challenges and navigate the landmines as they take ownership for choices and a future walk with God. Plan to create intentional one-on-one times to connect and keep the lines of communication open over the coming months and years.