Dear Parent:

One of the core values of First Baptist Arlington is that God designed the family as the primary place for discipleship. The Faith Journey initiative exists to partner with you as you guide your child’s spiritual journey one step at a time. Age-appropriate kits have been created to help you leverage the best faith formation strategy for your child’s stage of development.

Getting Started

n this Preparing for Adolescence kit you will find practical ideas and suggested resources to help you guide your child through upcoming changes.

We hope you find this kit helpful in the process of forming the faith of your child at home. Feel free to visit fbca.org/faithjourney to learn more or to determine if your child/children are ready for other Faith Journey markers.

Blessings,

The Young Families Ministry Team

Early Adolescence

Frequently Asked Parenting Questions

Q: How early should I talk to my child about relationships, purity and dating?

A :Every child is different, but you know it is time to discuss purity if any of the following is true…

Your adolescent child shows interest in having a girl/boy friend
You notice texts, emails, Facebook posts, etc. from the opposite sex
Your child has any sort of online access including a home computer, mobile phone, iPod Touch, iPad, and other electronic devices

Q: How can I talk to my daughter about modesty?

A: Go on a shopping trip together and discuss fashion and basic guidelines to tell if something is modest or not. Let them go through the list and tell you what they feel comfortable with.

Suggested guidelines:

Fingertip length on shorts/skirts
Practice sitting modestly Swimsuit modesty
Tops with a modest neckline

Q: How do I help my child set good boundaries for internet?

A: Set a time to discuss the following questions with him/her:

What is a healthy/appropriate amount of time per day to spend online?
What guidelines will keep our identity and personal information private?
What kinds of pictures are/aren’t appropriate to share? (i.e. no swimsuit or pajama pictures or pictures with too much skin showing)
Emphasize the importance of never responding to someone online we don’t know in person.

Q: How do I protect and help my child in the temptations they face with technology and media?

A: Even if you believe your child is not yet tempted, take the following proactive steps…

Do not allow your child to have a computer or television in his/her room.
If your child has a mobile device or phone, have them turn it off and plug it in the kitchen a certain time each night.
Limit and monitor all text messages.
Put parenting controls on your television and electronic devices.
Be careful of the shows/television that you watch in the company of your child to avoid sending mixed messages.
Check services such as pluggedinonline.com for content details on any movies, music and television shows they want to watch.
Set controls/accountability on all computers, phones and other electronic devices in your home using services such as the following…
- covenanteyes.com
- xxxchurch.com
- bsecure.com
- clearplay.com
- TVguardian.com

Q:How can I expose my child to the influence of other Godly adults to reinforce what we are teaching at home?

A: When a child enters the adolescent years, it becomes important to help him or her glean from the example and influence of other Godly adults, some of whom may become important voices into your child’s life when he/she reaches the rite of passage step of their Faith Journey. A few suggestions…

Start with extended family including grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. Invite Godly relatives to take an interest in your child’s activities by attending his/her concerts, games, award assemblies, etc. Ask them to invite your child to breakfast or ice cream once in a while to connect and speak into his/her life.
When you eat meals with Christian friends invite your adolescent son/daughter to sit at the adult table rather than with the kids. Simply including him/her in these conversations can help establish a bond with other Godly adults.
Get to know the Children's Minister and/or a small group leader and ask who he/she considers Godly leaders and volunteers in the children's ministry program. You might consider offering to volunteer in the children's ministry in order to get to know other adult leaders who might be willing to take a special interest in your child.
For more ideas on inviting the influence of other adults into your child’s life read Parenting Beyond Your Capacity by Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof.

The best way to prepare your child for the changes and challenges of adolescence is to set the stage. Mom with daughter, dad with son or a single parent with either sex should spend time giving their pre-adolescent child a basic understanding of what’s coming before they experience any changes in their body they may not be prepared for. Help your child prepare for coming changes in a proactive and positive way. Here’s a quick guide to the when, what and how of that time together:

When: Often parents are concerned that they will overwhelm their preteen or encourage premature curiosity if they jump the gun in preparing them for adolescence. A greater concern, however, is the likelihood that someone else will beat you to it. Children are typically ready before their parents are, usually around ten years old. Of course, not all children are the same. That’s why it’s important to spend time with your preteen getting a sense of where they are developmentally. Ask God for wisdom about the timing of your conversations.

What: You should plan to address the many areas of change your son or daughter will encounter during the transition to adulthood, especially bodily changes, decision-making and the changing relationship to you.

Body: Your son or daughter needs a vision for how internal and external changes will prepare the body for the joys of marriage and the miracle of creating new life. This is a good opportunity to talk to your child about God's design for sex within the confines of marriage.
Decision-making: Increasingly, your child will need to make and assume responsibility for his or her own decisions. As you maintain your overall family values in media choices, individual responsibilities (chores, homework, etc.), drugs and alcohol, you also need to direct your son or daughter in how to make wise decisions in areas of health and integrity. The first nine chapters of Proverbs can help guide an early teen on choosing wisdom over folly.

Relationship to you: Consider explaining to your preteen that over the next decade your role will progressively change from a teacher to that of a coach. You will begin to guide him or her in the transition toward independence. It is also a great time to intentionally foster relationships with other Godly adults who can influence your child’s life.

How: Here are a few ideas to get you started.

Set aside a special time or trip with your child to go through one of the recommended resources for joint discussion.
Create an environment for open communication for your child to share, talk and discuss with you.
Listen! Allow your child to share thoughts and questions without being judgmental or quick to give a lecture.
Have fun. Your child is much more likely to listen and be open with you if you have established a good relationship by creating fun times.
Have your child participate in the Choices event for 6th graders with the Children's Ministry.

Intentional Faith Journey Plan

How will you be intentional this next year?

Pray daily for and with my child.
Consistently spend time in God’s Word.
Bless my child daily.
Create a habit of worship with my child.
Serve together as a family.
Schedule a special time to discuss the upcoming changes.

Recommended Resources

Preparing for Adolescence by Dr. James Dobson
So You’re About to be a Teenager by Dennis & Barbara Rainey
Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens by Paul David
Tripp Five Conversations You Must Have series by Vicki Courtney
The Talk: 7 Lessons to Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality by Luke Gilkerson