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Marriage Enrichment – New Couples Questions

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Posted: February 18th, 2014

 View our Marriage enrichment section on the website.

February Couples Questions

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” I Corinthians 13:4-7 (NLT) “Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude. Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered. It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do. Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil. Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful and trusting.” I Corinthians 13:4-7 (CEV) “Without Valentine’s Day, February would be… well, January.” Jim Gaffigan February 14th is Valentine’s Day… a day devoted to LOVE. Certainly “love” is a greatly misunderstood concept in our society. That word is too often used to describe a wide variety of emotions and sensations. People tend to say love when they should have said like, lust or prefer. True love is powerful and profound… and it can only exist in relationship with another. The Bible paints a picture of marriage as a partnership, established by God, in which a man and woman willingly bind themselves together in love and become one. Across the ages, much has been written and sung about love. One of my favorite poems is from Robert Browning: “Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.” In his book, The 5 Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman identifies these primary ways of expressing and interpreting “love”:

Words of Affirmation                                                                                                                             Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing, “I love you,” is important; hearing the reasons behind that love is greater still. Insults can leave you shattered, though, and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time                                                                                                                                       For this person, nothing says, “I love you,” like undivided attention. Being present is critical, but really being there – with the TV off and the paper down – makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Receiving Gifts This person thrives on the love, thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are cared for. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift can be a personal offense.

Acts of Service                                                                                                                                     Is vacuuming or doing the laundry an expression of love? It can be. Anything you do to ease this person’s burden of responsibility says “I love you.” Laziness, messiness, broken promises and “making more work” tells this person that his or her feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch                                                                                                                                This language isn’t just sexual. A person with this primary love language appreciates hugs, pats on the back, holding hands and thoughtful touches on the arm. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and very destructive.

Couples Questions

  • Which of these is your primary “love language”? 
  • Which of these is your spouse’s primary “love language”?  
  • What is one difference between you and your spouse that you’ve come to respect and appreciate? 
  • What is one compromise that you’ve had to make with each other? 
  • What is one way that you try to say “I love you” to your spouse?

Each month we will offer questions for couples to use in having healthy, spiritual conversations with each other. We encourage you to set aside some time – at least once a month – to discuss these questions in a friendly, supportive way.  View the archived questions.